fuk2

wake up, wake up
enthusiam is hard to come by these days
stand up, breathe in
ignore the knife in your spine
the next door neighbor with a smile and a shot gun
the child worn down by a sadistic hand
there's something inside of me that beats for the better
broken promises litter the room
bloodstains envelope what used to be called a home
i'm only scared of one thing in life
to follow in foot steps of a man i hardly ever knew
FATHERS, should all be looked down on with the harshest of eyes
because there's no such thing as a real man
there hasnt been for a while now
the gut wrenching feeling creeps
as my walls explode with anger

why must we always question
when we were only constucted to serve
always seeking truth even when its sickeningly bad

fuk

vicious words encircle them
as they walk down the streets with their signs held up high
no one wanted this, no one did this on purpose
yet here we go playing the same old game again
but the tables been set
just a little bit differently
bodies filled with lead line the streets
with no tomorrow what will we have to look forward to
the future is bleak and so are you
so just keep dancing around
responsibility, keep passing the blame back and forth
until we have spread it to everyone

women, children, starvation is their savior
men and politicians' war will consume us all
there's nothing left to expect but more blood shed

i'm falling back into the hole i crawled out of
i kind of liked it better in there
will you join me and rest forever
or torture yourself for just a little more time
beaten into the ground with a baseball bat
that man had courage
to step up and tell the world his knowledge
beaten into the ground with a baseball bat
that man had courage
to step up and tell the world his knowledge

what did you ever do?
what did you ever do?
sit back and watch the world fall on its back into broken glass
through your high definition window

spotlight

this moment is what i've been waiting for

to entice my senses with cheap words and expenses

evading what really needs to be said

just living my life with this heart in my hands

that is what my hopes are comprised of

to live with a sense of security following me

those eyes that are filled with hopeless sense and wonder

only to have it all torn asunder

but when this moment dies

i wont look to the future, or seek another

as long as your hand still rests in mine

a sense of looking forward

its been more than i can handle
but less than what i'm used to
as the days pass by, i get lost in those eyes
just when i forgot what it was to feel so real
and when you smile its like heaven's all around me
and every moment without you is spent thinking about you
all i really want to do is leave the past all behind
because i'm loving the present and looking forward to the future
for the first time in a long time the weight is coming off of my shoulders
its that moment of panic when i see you
oh how i'm so lucky just to be acknowledged by you
my stomach turns around and my heart begins to quicken
i cant speak my words because they are so tightly wrapped around you
i lose all sense of direction when you are lying in my arms
the smiles dont stop coming as you make your cute faces
i cant stand it when we're in two different places
because i still feel your hand on my neck
and your chest against mine
your soft breathing on my shoulder makes me want to stop time
and linger here forever
you've pulled me out of the shallows
and into the deep end
please believe me when i say i'm gonna break those old habits
i've been searching for you
and you've been waiting for me
i'm so sorry i was so ignorant from the beginning
but now we're here and i can finally say that i'm happy
yea i can finally say that i'm happy

trp

it never fails
when i finally have a new grip on this
it slips through these trembling fingertips
but i wont let my life write its own ending
because nothing ever ends that easily
i've been living in a hoax
staring outside this window
the glass mimics prison bars
as the green grass on the other side
beckons me closer and closer all the time
i'll just keep hoping for better
i set my own trap this time, and fell into as expected
i might as well have run head first into stalled traffic
i had so many opportunities to turn back
every time i see her face it feels so much better
but the glass still mimics prison bars
and i'll wait here patiently on the edge of my seat
because i can't resist a safe thrill
she's the only one that fills my eyes
with hope for the better,

another sleepless night rolls into my room
the walls radiate my mistakes in such a way
it makes imagery jealous
clutching my pillow for dear life
i need the sun to break and show some sign of life
the dark consumes my thoughts
i only wish for some dignity
like long lost fathers begging for sympathy
every time i see her face it feels so much better
but the glass still mimics prison bars
and i'll wait here patiently on the edge of my seat
because i can't resist a safe thrill
she's the only one that fills my eyes
with hope for the better

lights of rushing minds

in spite of all the times that i decided that i couldnt carry on
tonight we will erase the memories
and i'm sorry that i must forget
so sorry that this regret will eat us from the inside out
but i'll stay in this moment for longer than i should anyway
because it's the one time i've felt this alive
and even if the sun never rises
at least the darkness embraced us so tight
cuz i've been running this life alone for so long
that home is nowhere near where it used to be

but lying in each others arms will substitute well enough for now
these street lights burn brighter in my eyes
as i count the moments that i am beside her

my mind is rushing in and out of reality
as i fight back everyone's scrutiny
what price must be payed to be happy?
i fear that no one will ever open the door this wide for me again
and i'll be cast into darkness once more
but without her this time i think i'll hold my breath
until this devastation breaks into the daylight
i think i may have jumped the gun just this one last time
baby if you stay right here i'm sure that we'll survive
i've been breathing in these words
and i've been sulking in myself
you've turned everything around
but now we must forget

my sky exploded

insecurity takes over my senses
tip this heart upside down making sure u get the best out of it
you've got me running in a selfish circle
and now its getting harder to believe
that this is what is best for me

so burn these eyes until i'm blind
because the other side can't be THAT much more beautiful
its almost impossible to move
when u carry every word ever said on your back
rip out my foundation
and watch me crumble, as church bells ring
this isn't me, i dont know why its so hard to believe

and these lungs they fill
with these unspoken words
and i just wish i could fix everything
but then i wish i could just forget

i cant do this on my own
you've blocked me out
and yet you stand there and beg
and beg to know whats wrong
this isnt something anyone wants
this isnt something anyone wants
but you asked for it so here it is

this life's on hold and i wont pick up the phone

....at last this all comes to a screeching hault

i guess it just takes time
to be able to feel your way out of everything
(because this consists of reading words from right to left)
saving my best for the oncoming end
time and time again it comes and goes in an endless flow
your breathing shallows just like my expectations
i'll just keep screaming until my throat caves in
do you think you can save it this time?

this is as real as i've felt in a while
(just throw in the towel)
these faulty words fill my ears to the brim
feelings dont mean anything
when you get as deep as this

this abstract moment hangs forever and ever
(like hearts beating faster waiting to explode)
i'll just keep praying for this tension to unravel
from inside i know that this could easily be the end
but i'll keep fighting for her
because she's all that i have left

i guess this is as good as it gets
cuz i dont feel any better
and things should have picked up by now........

poems

POEM 1!!her sweeping love leaves him breathless
without her hes like a mess
but one day all went bad
one day things were no longer like the happy story they once had
boy went one way, girl the other
how can they just throw away these feelings for eachother?
POEM 2!he cradles this picture of black and white
despite it all this picture still captures his sight
once this photo was filled with color
but color fled like his blood , when she found another
he thinks to himself why bother?
life has reached its shallow end
POEM 3!red lights bounce in and out of his vision
her face is drenched in the dripping crimson
months go by yet here he stays
the stitches come off but the scar remains
flawless timing, she comes along
he cant bare to see her, not anymore
POEM 4!hope for the boy has come at last
found in the least expected corner, hes found this great opportunity
happiness was meant for him too
though its sudden and not very good
a makeshift mend, on this heart will do

lines

can i have, what you so easily took from me?
nothings better, its like hope is a fantasy
as hard as i try
i'm always gonna lie here
staring up at the sky hoping theres a heaven
only in death will i find
the hopes of another side
to not believe is to sin
my belief is paper thin
give me some reason
interrogative lifestyles
running downhill searching for a light
at the end of a tunnel
i say, "its gonna get better"
u say, "its only getting worse"
beauty's in the eye of the beholder
and this disaster's in my eyes
so peaceful lying there, the wind blowing through your hair
i cant look away, it doesnt feel the same
it'll never feel the same
i've lost the game
erase the lines in the flesh
you always knew how to put down my best
efforts at making you happy
thats only if i ever made you happy
stop, rewind, lets hear that line in slow motion
it hurt too much it missed my ear drums
and struck my chest
with an overwellming hit
i was dead on contact
yeah dead on contact

the ship is sinking so give it all or let it go

oh please. just stop pretending
these picture frames are filled with the emptyness
all that should've been
but never can become
all i know is that you're not the one
oooohhhh there's nothing left to say
i'll just watch you walk away
unimaginable, distances to cross
i'm sorry but i cant take myself that far
like a ship sinking faster faster
my sorrow is the water
my conscience drowns, my conscience drowns the thoughts left of you and
oooohhh there's nothing left to say
i'll just watch you walk away
all that should've been, but never became
it fills the emptyness as you walk away
these picture frames they will stay the same
never walk away
all i need to say is in my eyes
let it spill into your mind if you'll let it in at all
oooohhhh there's nothing left to say(fix myself in a corner never going to, be found, i'm lost and i think i like it now)i'll just watch you walk away
oooohhhh there's nothing left to say
i'll just watch you walk away

untitled

and if could
bottle up all thats wrong with me
not physically but mentally and emotionally
i'd throw it out at sea
and feel oh so sorry
for the poor soul that opens it
because i dont even know half the time
wats going on inside my mind
i wish i could have a lifetime to find myself
and another to find you
but its not possible
lost at sea, u'r the shark circling around me
so wats it gonna be
are you gonna be that one missing puzzle piece?
upon this wall i'll engrave
"live everyday like its your last, cuz the sun may not rise tomorrow"
and we'd all gather at the north church tower
it only exists in my dreams
i'll bring my guitar and climb through your window
and serenade you as you sleep
even in your dreams i'll sweep you off your feet
and you're so deaf to my words
that i dont think i'm alive anymore
i'm just a ghost, a small memory
collecting dust sumwhere under your bed
but this is more yours than mine(this is more yours than mine)
so listen to this tape till it breaks
we'll dance in the glowing embers
cuz the sun may not rise, tomorrow

the valentine doctrine

just leave it behind
like every other time
its easy to drop the good but not the bad
remembering every wrong thing said
dont bother searching i'm already dead
kind enough to give me the aenesthetics
just enough to numb what was left of my feelings
and now i'm drifting away
nothing left to say turn away leave it like this leave it like this
burning like the fire, you set inside my heart
bringing back desire like washed out 80's pop
and i hope these words echo through your mind
for all time
i'm my own murderer
file that in your damn report
and this is best thing i've ever felt
to be so free and able to believe
that god aint the one calling the shots
i'm leading my life just the way i want to
now there's sumthing to argue about
i see everything in slow motion
but i cant slow down the time i have with you
its slipping away and i have no control
drench me in your sweetened words
like this is fantasy and not reality
call me apprehensive because i'm afraid of commitment
i call it smart and protective
we live our lives in parallel lines
destined to never instersect
but still you are the words in my song
and i'm hung upside down by a turtle's tail for you
but still you cant accept

;dkjf;ajfasdifj

her face
stands to challenge the beauty and complexity
of the colors from a fading sunset
and its the times when we wish we could simply push pause
let the rest of time fly by us
while we grow old together in this moment forever
if life were like a movie, i'd cut out all the extra scenes
even if it comes out to just 5 minutes
those 5 minutes will feature you and me
and i'm tired of keeping all these secrets
its you and me vs. them
the greatest battle, i've ever had the pleasure to be in
"we'll take the crowd. and then we'll take the world"
and i turn back and say, "girl you are the one to melt this heart of gold"
never leave my side
we'll stay up all night
singing all of our favorite songs and
when its time, to turn out the lights
i'll see your face
beating the greatest colors of the brightest dawn
and as we gasp at the same time
i realize we're living side by side
all must end
so i'll leave my heart under
your bed
and then as i set fire to your house
u'll be the last to know
i pray you burn as fast as the past

night

night fades into the brightest hour
its always my worst
i wish i'd forget all the dreams i have
but i'll never wish to not dream at all
to not dream at all
and i wish i could drop everything like a bomb
but there'd be no survivors left
to impose sympathy on me and

i'll hold my tongue again
i cant defend anything i believe in
and i'll hold my tongue once again

sumtimes i get a grip
but right away i want to lose it
i dont know why but i'm guess its cuz i
try so hard to be sumthing i'm not
i'm just so bland by myself
but i'm learning that that is ok
i'm learning how to not be ashamed
i'll shred the blame like every letter
written on this paper

i'll hold my tongue again
i cant defend anything i believe in
and i'll hold my tongue once again

and i know you're better
i'm fighting my insides everyday
im getting worse but u dont notice
i'm living a lie and i'm loving it,
i'm tricking myself without even knowing
i lie so well, i dont even know what my true self is anymore

night fades into the brightest hour
its always my worst

a;jsldfjcm;adkgjf

cannot help but feel
we're pulling so far apart
dear this is exactly what i feared
and we're like drift wood
caught in high tide
soon to be seperated,
embedded in the sand on the beach
forced to watch the greatest sun sets and sun rises
but for you getting close is too close
you've put yourself in a box
just for a while, i pray its just for a while
i bite my lip so hard
it bleeds everytime i'm forced to think
of sumthing to say to you,
i feel its never good enough to get me closer to you
but close is too close
and i'm trying to be, a whole lot more than he
please why wont you see
i'm right here beside you
writing down everything i see
i was always good with words
words you'll never read
words i'll never speak in your prescence
it hurts too much for me
so just put on a sad face for me
pretend i'm everything u'll never be
cuz u're fighting for him
and i'm fighting for u
but bleeding just won't cut it u'll see
if u didnt see it
then neither will he

eep

as we're driven
into this recollection of our thoughts
they hurt so much
numb inside from the past year of my life
i can finally say i've given up
on everything,
i've lost my desire, my tears have lost their bitter taste
my bitterness exumed on you
and i'm so sorry
but we're running in different directions
so pleaz make up your mind, i cant keep hanging from this rope
and at last we're happy
but i'm tossing and turning
cuz i know its just a dream, i'm falling
so hard i might just die when i hit the ground
and here the point where i lie and say its ok
walking away knowing i'll never be able to take back
whats been said and i know
its never gonna be the same
tossing and turning
but this isnt a dream.
so i'll keep choking on these words, i'd rather die than hurt you
just remember, i did all this for u

ahhh poetry?

these subtle words
meaningless to some, but strongly powerful to me
i am numb. i am lost, yet i still find time to fake a smile
countless times i fall upon what seems like broken glass
crying out to whatever higher devine prescence that is my flavour of that particular week
as my thoughts are absorbed like rain drops hitting desert floor
i scream at the top of my lungs WHY ME?! WHY ME?!!
and as i realize there is no one there to answer me
i sit and grin, a smirk if u will
a feeling long ago forgotten, yet still so familiar
creeps upon me
and i dont even know i'm crying until i taste the salty kiss of tears
as the burden my face once again
...and now i know how it feels to fall in and out of feeling.
to not be so surprised when i at last have a new grip on this, then suddenly lose it all.
i get into the state of mind that everything is a dream and can be re-done.
i'm living in an innocence that has long ago left me behind.
but as time passes and so do i, i can only hope that nothingness evolves into something
and that this empty hole in this thing called a chest
will once again be filled with the one thing i long to feel again
my own heartbeat
i'm wandering aimlessly again
this idle mind has been over worked, over stressed, but not over exaggerated
countless times i've sat in a corner
weighing the thought of suicide against the thought of sleep
both will only bring me temporary relief
but i am a coward, a spineless fool
too wrapped up in his own convoluted words and trivial thoughts
yet still i stand, and push onward on shaky legs that will only carry me so far
God exists today, and then not tomorrow,
I sit and pray that the so called plan that i am told has been made for me
has not been lost and forgotten like the refill you order but never seem to receive.
so pleaz tell me that this makes sense, because i honestly cant tell which way is up
this is not a cry for counsel
nor is it a plea for sympathy from you
it is a simple revalation that subtly screams
"hey dude, i've got problems too."

color blind

her lips begin to tighten
creating strain
oh only god knows
what she'll say, i know that it wont go my way
leaving me dull, a rounded edge
and unenthusiastic for tomorrow
i've had this coming, for some time
not many people have incurred my trust
the lights begin to dance and grow brighter
i feel as if i'm neck-and-neck with the sun
the world grows blurry
and unrecognizable, to my eyes
it slowly begins to disappear
or am i just going blind?
am i that oblivious to myself?
i dont know how much longer i can keep pushing myself
my head hurts from the beating of her heart
as much as i'd wish to silence it
i'd rather silence myself
color seeps, out of the edges,
these mends of tape are starting to break
the pain it comes, it comes in cycles,
the color seeps from my eyes
you are the muse
in retrospect it seems right
falling faster as the lights grow brighter
you are the centerfold of this vision
now watch you fade
as the colors scorch you

paint

drawing up our actionsloosely based on your conclusionsthis is how we dealwith everything never digging too deepafraid we'll findthis is how we knowwe're not going to survive
so c'monthrow me off track give me a reason to sit here and have the courage to turn my back to you
you make me feellike everything is better than meas if you're so perfectpinning up whats been left behindthis structure is held together with tapeand you wonder why this is goingno whereno where sooner than soon
when i am thereyou are hereand yet you say i wont even sacrifice one stareto your expenseand i know everything there is to knownow isnt that more than justa stretch of the facts
my ears are ringingon the verge of bleedingfrom hearing my own damn screaming in my headso now you're laying there in bed.as i proceed to jump off this ledge
why wont you just come backto say goodbyei toss and turn never asking how instead of whyso i'll pretend its not real (enough)so i wont care
this book bleeds my thoughts not my wordswords fade awaybut i can gaurentee the way i make your heart beatwill always remain
so float away with mewe'll reignite the suncuz doing that seems like what it'll take to be your "one"i'm falling, i cant seeyou've sentenced me to the depths of your despairrelease me cuz i see that this isnt meit was just your face that brought me here

jump the gun, kill the runner

today reeks of yesterday's repercussions
these lies they cut and bruise the very fabric of lives
its a race with no finish line
and yet everyone is still running
but what for other than just to prove
that i can last longer than you?
even if it means throwing what i believe in,
out the open window that you leapt through? (TO SAVE YOURSELF)
strike the ground with your bare fist
and scream into the nothingness
"this beautiful day, it kills me inside"
knowing i cant stare at it tomorrow
whatever solace i might find
will surely be lost as i follow these thoughts
but i'm "independent" so it makes me feel that much better
as much as i'd hate to admit this
i'm still fighting everything about you
you emptied me out but i'm still standing
(RUN)
i'm falling now
(AWAY)
dreaming of what could have been
these pictures snap these picture frames and splinter my heart
this beautiful day it kills me inside
grasping onto whatever we can find
i'm left hanging here as you jump out the window
but your lies will break your fall
as for me its hard to breathe with the truth tightening around my throat
i hung on for you but it seems you've won the race
happiness is something that comes seperate
and it feels better when you dont believe