a life bent on meaning

we're all blind from life!

build from these mistakes
take it all back
become everything anyone has
ever wanted to be
this is your life
live the dream dont chase it

leading is something that
is rarely done these days
lead yourself, not others
let them break off in their own ways
falling through sleepless nights
blurring the line between
what has been composed in dreams
and what has been built with your hands
if we are losing this battle
how can we have any hope for the war
the choice between becoming and hoping
the scars you have gained can only be seen as landmarks
imprinted on your skin for you to carry always

and when the world wakes up
and sees all that can be done
we should all fear that it will be too late
that all of us failed to begin so much sooner
we're all asleep, dreaming for a better future
but an idea will always remain an idea until it is put into action
blind them with hope!
grab life by the neck and wring all you can out of it
because the stars are burning out
with your last breath reach out for them
like the dying flame, we can all burn only for so long
until we learn to breathe in reality
and break away from dream
blind them with hope!

this is a life bent on meaning and love
a life bent
on becoming so much more

all seems hopeful under stars so bright

and so it begins

from the start

i knew that this wouldn't

be as easy as i anticipated

setting out on a new path

becoming all i am and all i will ever be

it seems these days they're all chasing the same thing

i hope to be that stray beam of light

and open another's eyes

soon we will all see as one,

and we will all cry as one,

desperately seeking the same salvation,

praying to the same God, believing

under the stars this all seems so hopeful

this is the end.
lieing here on the grass
i realize that many ideas rarely become anything more than just wishful thinking
it all manifests into the one big question
why.
why do we kill
why do we steal
why do we rape, burn, criticize, lie

act 4: prophecy

time is seperation
that which once was is no longer
time is a harbinger of pain
as she burns out
and as he gasps his last breath
time enfolds them both
crossing over, rising higher
both become new
both arise different,
neither remembers the other
on the wall it reads
"WHEN THEIR EYES MEET, ALL WILL BE SAFE, AS THEY BOTH BURST INTO FLAME"

act 5: revelations of trees and ash

there she rises
from the ashes holding nothing
to anyone at all
here she goes now
creeping closer towards the light from which we were created
all these terrible things, haunting us
running in shame we all fall down
struck down with passion and fury
she begins to end it all

there he stands
beneath the shade of this blackened tree
the waters are calling his name
beckoning him to wash away all this opression
to end it all before the light consumes his burning question
he has this strange dream of a girl embedded in ashes
and when he gazes upon her
embellishing her with his way with words,
oh his words cut the mountains in two

its not easy knowing that
gazing upon your lover
means the end of both of you

act 3: the fire and the earth.

burn it all away,
she sits with the flame glowing brighter and brighter
the calling of fire,
setting free, setting free!
down by the water, we await the slaughter
of sin and all its splendor.
this all seems so eerily familiar
the house is coming down, to preach
and to worship, and dictate what is right.
sitting there, match in hand
waiting for the pain to go away,
though it causes more pain.
but a lifetime seems so much more hurtful
than a couple of minutes
yet she sits still hoping for someone to intervene
to care, or even accidently
intrude upon this sacred event.
a boy: hanging in his closet, still conscious
and his feet are calling for the ground,
like a child, calling for its mother.
it goes round and round again and again.
and the blackness sets in.
"set forth on your path. aim for the world" she cries!
"take nothing less than the best from everything and everyone!" he bellows to the heavens
and the two become one.

act 2: the water and the road

home becomes a void.
this is not a life one wishes to lead,
or even has the slightest hope for.
it becomes nothing more than
another sleepless night
followed by the creeping sounds
of the ending of the times.
you've lost your purpose,
you're going down with this ship
farewell to the surface,
its nothing you're not used to by now.
he's so far gone, held on for much too long.
the captain yells, "abandon ship"
but he's not listening,
this is his home he wont leave it to rot all alone.
this is the way
this is the path
this is the post humanist effort
falling away into the stream
of digression, building up
building up
building up on all this closure

part 1: Arise

these changes in this little world
almost unnoticed by all,
but felt so severly by one.
its falls without a pattern,
and without any reason to believe
or to become something more.
it falls because it has given all it has.
breathe this in and out, feel it enter and leave
evade the ground, embrace the sound
when the world ends for her,
we will all know
because she is the center of it all,
when her world ends so will all of yours.
enter through the open gate
remember the grass grazing against your feet.
there is so much left to give,
but no one is willing to take
it falls because neglect has overtaken its face.
the leaves are falling outside,
autumn is so near.
pushing through it, believing it all.
this is everything, there is nothing more
there is no other chance to do this right,
burn away all these thoughts and malices.
set the flames humbly, engulf the world with your hate.
ARISE FROM THESE ASHES
AND FOREVER HOLD NO REGRETS.
she is the center of it all.

setting out

believe in this
that at the end of the day
the vindicated will sleep easy
while the rest of us toss and turn
i think i'll head north,
towards a promising winter
where the sky is so much thinner
so i might be able to hear your voice
in the dead of night
staring at the stars wishing you were in my arms tonight

believe in this
one day we'll leave this town, forever.
the night will be ours
and we'll feed eachother
lines from all our favorite songs
become one with the road
until we find a place to call our own.

i'm never going to let go
your eyes lock into mine
and i know that we're gonna be just fine
i'll believe in you, if you believe in me
i know down deep inside
i'll never love anyone again
you're last thing i fall asleep to
and the first thing i awaken to
nothing can ever be as perfect as u and i
are when we look into each other's eyes
holding you against me
is the closest i've ever felt to home

1

we are all just another stepping stone in time
just another brick layed in the path
there's no stopping the process of being
only following it devoutly without a stutter in your stride
follow your heart, not the sky
live to live and to be part of something bigger
with this hand on your throat and your eyes towards the heaven
belief in an intricate system brought on by men
only the chosen are immortalized
but not only the chosen suffer.
cast out into a world of degenerate minds
its no wonder that we all wander in search of something better
but not everything can be seen as devine
speak all that builds up in your mind
and let it ring across the void as far as it will go
only you will remember what you've done here
the world will turn an unfair shoulder,
and your ideas shall fall on self rightgeous deaf ears
hand in hand into the dark we march,
welcome the unknown, with your eyes locked on the future.

overcoming distance pt1

its at these times of great despair
that i'm somewhat obliged
to try and be every star in your sky,
i can only try
story of my life, that i can only try.
and just when i get a sense of direction
its kinda funny that i see your face and i lose it all,
i'm lost but i'm lost with you,
i'm lost but at least i have you,
and there's not a single thing i can do
but enjoy the ride.

its 3 am and i must admit
i'm rather tired, but the conversation's getting better
so dont worry i'm still here
my eyes are feeling kinda heavy, just like my heart
because you're over there,
and i'm stuck over here
so i'm convinced that this is torture,
its not right to need someone this bad
and there's reservation sign in the empty space on my bed
where you can lay your head,
so we can laugh til the sun comes up,
so i can hold you til the sun comes up

i cant really explain
the feeling going through me
when you say "for the rest of forever"

oh, these endeavors.. pt1

i've been waiting,
for a day much like this one
to come along and say,
c'mon you can build your home here
stay here forever, however long that may be
but there's been many days
much like this one
that have come bearing nothing but empty tanks
for their empty promises

i once met a girl,
said she'd live forever,
that she'd ride on a day much like this one.
but now she's 6 feet closer
to a permanent home than i am,
at the moment,
she said, "i've been waiting"
and i said "me too"
she called me a fool for doing so,
and i said "its cuz i'm waiting for you"

i guess i'll be stuck just pacing,
until the floor is gone,
i'll be waiting for her day
somehow i'll know and it will pay
if she ever rode away

:)

i ride on every word you say like its the last i'll ever hear
i know i'm kind of weird
but hey you are too
and i know i've got my depressing moments
but hey, you've got problems too

and i'll do my best
to heal your wounds, like any god fearing person would do
and if you ever need anything
even at 3 in the morning,
there isnt anything i wouldnt be glad to do, for you

i know i'm random at times,
and i know i'm so confusing with everything
but as long as you know
that i'll be there for everything
to hold your hand through anything
you've done so much for me
i thank you for restoring what was left of my sanity

if i possessed everything
i'd give it all up honestly
just to have you
i love hearing your voice
and i love hearing you laugh
i love the way that even after you've gone, you linger
i hate it when i have to leave you, if it were up to me we wouldn't have to
but most of all
i love you.

blank

oh you dont know what its like
to pace the floors til your soles are gone and,
i've been patiently praying,
no hoping, for life's wings to sweep me away,
oh for life's wings to fly me away.

and here we are, going no where
passing off blank stares

this is why i've been staking out this situation for so long
there's nothing else to do,
but let this unravel until
you decide exactly what we need
and i'm so scared
i cant even contemplate
the words spilling from your mouth

and here we are, spiraling down these stairs
going no where
now i realize
those blank stares spoke more than our mouths ever did

inverse

its no wonder i sit here and wonder
just what's going through your head.
and why its been 3 long weeks
since anything has been said
and we all just wish to be inside the other's thoughts
because the center of all attention,
is truly where we all belong.
someone show me the path to take from here
there's just so many
and i'd hate to take a wrong turn,
for it will most certainly crush me.
the lives of everyone intertwine
like a cliche indie movie, and the life of God above me.
so please show me whats going on inside that pretty little head
are the gears all turning and working just fine
or are you caught up on something that happens to be mine
oh this rainy weather is probably for the better
because its harder for us to see you cry

subtitles

these days render a false sense of security
whatever that may be, i hope you clutch it as close to your chest
as i used to hold you to mine
i'm almost certain we cant hold on forever,
but these days are bringing me more
than i'd ever dreamed of wishing for
i feel just as bad as you do
and there are times when it seems like i miss you
but believe me when i say that gone isnt a temporary absence.
i'm slowly being eaten from the inside out
and everyone's annoying me slowly
i'm losing my hair and the stress just keeps mounting
and you just keep laughing.
i'll just keep trying
and you'll just keep denying that i ever cared

dreaming of hope

if these nights were a story
written down in an elaborate setting of cruelty
would we be protaganists or antagonists?
it seems like morning washes us clean of all that has happened
you're slipping away
like that last glimpse of a dream that we see before we awake
i just want you to stay here, but i guess you're gone
i'll just stay lost and remain tempted to run through these walls between us
but you'll still be gone in another's arms
and i'll stay clutching whats left of my dignity
if i fell would you catch me?
or would you just let me collide with the soft grass
because you assume it wont kill me
you're the bird and i'm the tree
if you ever need a shelter just turn to me
some things are just better left unsaid
but i must admit that the aftermath of this event
is nothing more than desolate
so please excuse me as i scream in anger
because there's no one around
there's never anyone around.
if i knew any better i'd curse your name
but would good would that do?
i'm not trained with any sort of magical skill.
and if this church burns down will they rebuild?
if we burn down can we rebuild....
are we capable to believe, or are we just here for the aesthetic effect
will we run rampant for generations to come?
or will you and i just become dust in the earth..
i breathe and you breathe,
i bleed and you bleed,
i sigh and you smile.
i think we should be just fine for a while.

;asldknc

these days are passing slower
yet the time flies out the window
it seems like just the other day i knew exactly what i was
who i was with, where i was going.
the lights flow deeper into my skull and i can finally see.
but now these lights are showing me things i've hidden, (and i can finally see.)
i've put all my cards down, i'll fold this next time around.
this is what it feels like to be alive,
to have a gust of wind touch this face.
i stare at sand on the blacktop.
i long to be sand on the blacktop, to be thrown wherever
this taste rests in my mouth forever, and forever it shall stay.
like a gleaming piece of the puzzle
i put myself to rest for a day.
in search of everything, yet finding nothing
i am invincible, i am untouchable.
there's only one place i long to be,
a false shelter where i can release all that is plauging me.
i see that face and its nothing more than a glimpse of a memory
a glance into the future of all i should've been
as i stare into the mirror
these faces melt into each other,
as if fate would have it anyother way
soon we will all be sand on the blacktop
we will all be blown away

wurd

taking caution with what has to be said here
i bury my head in my arms
and hope that by some strange magic, i'll dissappear
these words they stain like a dye
changing appearance under this night sky
holding close and never wanting to release
my fears will eat us from the inside out
its nights like these when i wish i knew
the answers to everything
like why fathers abandon their sons,
and why death is so easily attainable
i'll scream out for solace into the stars.
watching these cars drive by, the scenery melts into a portrait
of what i wish could be reality
these two lines run parallel,
destined to never intersect
just like my hopes and my actuality
please take me home, please take me home
not to the one i know, its just a concept of a home
but hollow on the inside as to hold
the only things i've ever known
as i'm clutching for dear life
onto his picture, i cant help but wonder
why i care so much for this abandoner
take me home, i'll be the son you've always wished for
please take me home, a place that i'll never know.

i bury my head in my arms
with a burden resting on my tongue
these words, i must speak them with caution
before i become lost in them.
liberate me, liberate me
from this crutch i have lived on
he doesnt need me, and i dont need him
but i do need some sort of confidence
to proclaim myself with
as i enter this new stage of life,
hand in hand with a love
stronger than ever before
i'll tear down this wall that i have worked so hard to put up

self immolation

oh please spare me
this embarrassing speech
where you proclaim the end
to every single "i love you"
and every embrace that i've given you
i guess i'll just turn away and become one with the dust
oh cuz self-immolation and contemplation
are playing a game with lust
and when i become, a smoking pile of ash
i'll absorb every piece of light
and never give it back
because this was not part of the plan
we said we'd let this run its course
but you thought something else was better than
those endless nights under streetlights in my arms
where the stars spelled out our names
and the galaxy didnt seem so far

so now i'll sit here by my phone
and pray and wish to hear it ring
so i can hear your voice
for one last time as the flames engulf my home

through tree tops

lets just pack our bags tonight
I'm never going to look back
with or without you my dear
i feel like the time has come for us to disappear
leave behind all those worries for the worriers to occupy
their time with
we'll jump the gap together
and if you ever feel scared just know my hand
will always be here for you to hold if you ever doubt me

with or without you i've made up my mind
that God is blind to these modern times
but hopefully we'll find a way back home
because its lonely when there's no place to call home
i'm so tired of searching for myself
i've only begun to understand my reflection
if only i had two lives to live
i'd spend one finding me
and the other just lying with you
oh how i'd love to just lay there with you

and here it goes, the end it weaves
such sullen moods through the trees
as the breeze hits my face
i feel your sweet grace
as the void begins to grow

destiny...

this is destiny.
not a map scribbled down on paper
but a plan, engraved in my hands and mind
a piece of life set aside for me to stumble upon eventually
or be thrown in my face
destiny.
its my destiny to make this girl happy
to change the lives of everyone
to be the spark in the dark, that sets your candle aflame
to create emotions with words and music
to compose melodies with my fingers
and inspiration with my pen
this is not god given, but earned
not easily assertained but strived for til the breaking point
"soon we will all see as one,
and we will all cry out as one,
desperately seeking the same salvation,
praying to the same God, believing
under the stars this all seems so hopeful"
this is me,
this is what i choose to be
not what i am told
this is me taking life instead of death
filling the void with what i am most afraid of
taking the leap into the water, begging for the shore
to go down fighting would be glorious
but to rise victorious, would be so much more
nothing can take what i say from me
this is my plan engraved in my chest
and no one, not a man, not a god, nothing
can take this away, it is my heart
pushing hope through me with every beat
this is becoming everything i've ever dreamed about
with no regrets
this... this is destiny